When Everything Falls Apart: Chaos, Kali, and Finding My Way Back (with a Little Help from Purple Elephant)
Saturday December 28th 2024
Sometimes, life feels like a storm—messy, overwhelming, and completely out of your control. That’s exactly how the last 48 hours unfolded for me. What was supposed to be a smooth lead-up to an exciting journey turned into a whirlwind of delays, arguments, exhaustion, and frustration. But somehow, through the chaos, I found my way back to myself—and tomorrow morning, I’m boarding that plane.
It all started with a delayed flight that set the tone for a day where everything seemed to unravel. Tensions rose at home with family when I was told to sleep on a deflated air mattress (despite my back issues) in a duplex with no internet. The stress boiled over into a fight with my dad, leaving me packing my things and walking out to stay with my uncle a few blocks away. I thought I’d find some peace there, but even with my cousin and her friend, I couldn’t fall asleep until after 3 AM, my mind racing with frustration and hurt.
Today was supposed to be a fresh start. I had plans to see my brother and his pregnant wife, but that fell through when he chose a basketball game over spending time with me. That stung, and I felt the weight of disappointment settle in again. I tried to shift gears, focusing on running errands and preparing for the trip, but even that turned into a fight with my mom over something as simple as wanting to go to the mall. It felt like every little thing was spiraling out of control.
And then came the nail salon incident—a small thing, but it felt like the final straw. The cut on my pinky was more than an inconvenience. It became a metaphor for how I’d been feeling: raw, vulnerable, and stinging from the unexpected twists of the last few days.
The Turnaround (And a Delicious Surprise)
But here’s the thing about storms: they eventually pass. After the chaos of the day, my mom and I talked things out. We took care of some last-minute preparations for the trip, and even though the tension from earlier lingered a bit, I could feel things beginning to soften. My dad and I exchanged a few kind words too, which felt like a small but important step toward reconciliation.
And then came the highlight of my night—the thing that turned everything around: leftovers from dinner the previous evening, from my favorite restaurant in the entire world, Purple Elephant. If you’ve ever had food that feels like pure joy on a plate, you’ll know exactly what I mean. I’d been dreaming about their gluten-free vegan menu for over six months, and finally getting to enjoy it last night felt like the universe throwing me a little lifeline.
It wasn’t just the food itself (though it was absolutely amazing)—it was the reminder that even in the chaos, there are still pockets of happiness to be found. Eating something I love, something I’d been looking forward to for so long, reminded me to savor the little things. Tonight, I’m enjoying the leftovers, and yes, I’m 100% bringing some with me on the plane tomorrow because you can never have too much happiness in the form of food.
Kali’s Wisdom in Chaos
Through all of this, I kept thinking of Kali—the goddess of transformation and destruction. Kali’s lessons are rarely easy. She tears apart what no longer serves us, sometimes leaving us raw and uncomfortable, but always clearing the way for something new to emerge. These past two days felt like walking through Kali’s fire.
She’s pushed me to face my tendencies to second-guess myself, to defer to others, and to let external chaos dictate my internal state.
Kali reminds me that destruction isn’t the end—it’s the beginning. Through all the frustration and pain, I’ve found a deeper understanding of what I need moving forward: to trust myself, to choose alignment over convenience, and to let go of the expectations of others. This trip isn’t just a physical journey—it’s a step into a more empowered version of myself, one that listens to her intuition and stands firm in her decisions.
Onward
Tomorrow morning, I’ll be boarding the plane with a clear mind, a full heart, and a little container of Purple Elephant leftovers in my bag. I’ll bring my travel kit to care for my pinky, my determination to embrace whatever lies ahead, and the wisdom that even in the face of chaos, I can find my way back to center. I don’t have all the answers, and I’m sure there will be challenges ahead, but I know I’m ready. Kali’s fire has shown me that I can handle more than I thought possible.
For now, I’m soaking up these last few hours of quiet, cuddling with Ace, savoring my leftovers, and grounding myself before the adventure begins. If the last 48 hours have taught me anything, it’s that even when everything feels like it’s falling apart, the pieces can come back together in ways you didn’t expect. Tomorrow is a new day, a new chapter, and I’m stepping into it with trust, strength, and gratitude (and a little gluten-free vegan magic from Purple Elephant).
With love & gratitude,
Eve aka Kali Grayce
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