January 27 2025
Realizations in Rain: Embracing Alignment on My Last Day at 34
Today I woke up after only four hours of sleep. Guess that’s what I get for FaceTiming with my ex until 1:30 AM my time. But as I lay there, my mind swirled with anxiety about leaving Ubud and returning to India so soon. I’m not sure what came over me, but I had this sudden realization: I need to stay in Bali as long as possible.
After all, my visa is only valid for 60 days, and I want to make the most of every single one. Something in me whispered that the Thai massage training could wait—it’s not something I’d be ready to dive into fully, given my injuries. Plus, my deposit would be transferable. But Bali? Bali isn’t as easy to return to. The thought of letting this magical, healing energy slip away felt impossible.
I remembered a plant-based chef training I’d come across a while back. All vegan, all gluten-free—perfectly aligned with my lifestyle and the vision I’m building for the Kali Kollective. The training runs from March 1-13 at Sayuri Healing Food Café in Ubud. Though I hadn’t been there yet, something about it felt right.
Within minutes, I found the perfect Airbnb—a cozy home walking distance from the café and the heart of Ubud. By 7 AM, I was on the phone with Air India, checking if I could change my flight without a fee. I could. It all felt aligned, like the universe was giving me the green light to stay.
This plan gives me time. A week after my retreat in Lovina to explore Ubud more deeply (I’d been nervous about not having enough time to truly soak it in). Then, 10 days after the chef training before heading back to India for prenatal and Yin yoga trainings in Rishikesh. It’s perfect.
Part of me hesitates to completely abandon the Thai massage training, but I know in my heart that this chef training feels right. It perfectly ties into an exciting new vision for the Kali Kollective—wait for it—Kali’s Kookbook. Yes, brilliant, I know. Kooking with Kali! This could be a new offering, a way to inspire others to embrace vibrant, healing food (including those in eating disorder recovery). To make sure everything felt truly aligned, I decided I’d visit Sayuri Café this evening and experience the food and vibe firsthand.
After all this excitement, I went back to bed for a couple of hours. The rain poured down outside, but there’s something about the rain in Bali—it doesn’t bring me down. If anything, it’s soothing. Healing, even. Listening to the Balinese waters wash through the world around me felt like a reminder to just go with the flow.
At 3 PM, I headed out for the three-hour treatment I’d booked at Ubud Body Spa yesterday. On the way, I passed two Ganeshas, which felt like a sign of good fortune. When I arrived, it was everything I hoped for and more—an hour-long massage, a scrub, an herbal bath, and a one-hour facial. The masseuse was intuitive and amazing, and the massage itself was the best I’ve had in a long time. I felt like I could finally take a deep breath. It was followed by ginger tea and papaya—a perfect reset.
Afterwards, I went next door and bought a little birthday outfit to wear after tomorrow’s purification ceremony (I’m saving my white outfit for my photoshoot later this week). I found myself getting hung up on money—yes, some things in Bali are inexpensive, but others aren’t, especially the high-quality pieces. It’s a trade-off, and I’m learning to be okay with it.
I stopped by Seeds of Life Café to grab some food for tonight and tomorrow and decided to do a test walk to Sayuri Café. It was quick and easy to get to, and when I arrived, it was buzzing with cool, artsy energy. An Indian band was playing live music, and the vibe was absolutely on point.
I ordered soup and a caprese salad—both dishes that are part of the training—and I was blown away. The burrata was next-level, and the soup was easily one of the top 10 vegan, gluten-free dishes I’ve ever had. It solidified my decision. I immediately booked the Airbnb and grabbed some baked goods and chia pudding to enjoy later.
Before I left, I saw a group of musicians playing kirtan-esque music. I mentioned that I had my harmonium if they wanted to jam, and they invited me to open mic night on Wednesday—which I was already planning on attending.
With my heart full and excitement bubbling for next month, I headed back to the villa. I’m now sitting outside, listening to the sounds of the night, and wondering: How did I get this lucky?
Reflecting on the past 34 years, it’s been a wild ride. So many ups and downs, so much struggle and heartache. There were moments I doubted I’d make it to my next birthday. But everything changed eight years ago when I surrendered to the divine guidance of my mother, Kali, and came off all the meds—a decision inspired by Govardhan and the promise of India.
Since then, I’ve aligned more fully with my dharma. I’ve stepped out of the mindset that this life is all about me and realized I’m healing because others need to hear my story. Teaching yoga, playing music, writing poetry, cooking, and sharing my journey through bulimia and benzos to freedom—it’s all starting to come together.
Most days, I still feel tested. Most days, I feel like giving up. But as of tonight, January 28, 2025, at midnight—my 35th birthday—I’m 123 days free of eating disorder symptoms. That’s 123 days longer than I ever thought I’d make it.
I’m proud of myself. I’m proud of the woman I’ve become and the woman I’m still becoming. There’s a long way to go, but I’m on the way. I’m in Bali, celebrating my birthday in a way I’ve dreamed of for the past eight years. Life is good.
As the clock struck midnight, it started raining, and I heard singing in the distance. I can’t help but feel it’s an omen from the gods, a reminder from Kali that I’m exactly where I’m meant to be.
Here’s to 35 more years of traveling, recovering, growing, inspiring—and hopefully getting paid to do it!
Thank you to my parents for supporting me and making this possible, and to Kali, for never giving up on me.
With love and gratitude,
Eve (aka Kali Grayce)
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