The Journey Begins
February 5, 2025—2/5/25. A numerological palindrome, a portal of reflection. I woke up in my usual way—just missing yoga, moving slowly, wasting time before finally pulling myself together to begin the day’s activity: Leela.
I had no idea how deep this journey would take me.
Leela is an ancient self-awareness game, a yogic “game of life,” designed to mirror the spiritual journey of the soul. It reveals hidden truths, deep-seated attachments, and the karmic patterns that keep us circling the same lessons.
I made my way up the steps to the yoga shala, feeling a sense of anticipation. Bea and I were about to embark on this journey together, guided by our facilitator, Mora. When she arrived a bit late, flustered, I noticed my own response—immediate tension, a slight mistrust. It was a reflection of my deeper resistance: Was I looking for a reason not to trust her? Not to trust the game? Not to trust myself?
Mora explained the structure of Leela.
• A massive mat lay before us, like a life-sized Chutes and Ladders, complete with arrows (which lifted us toward liberation) and snakes (which pulled us into lower cycles of karma and illusion).
• The 72 spaces represented different stages of consciousness, from attachment and desire to purification, wisdom, and enlightenment.
• Each player had to bring a personal object as their “game piece,” infused with their energy.
I placed my small bronze Kali statue on the board—the same one I had bought on Elephanta Island, a sacred Shiva site. She would be my guide.
Mora then asked for our names. At first, I wanted to introduce myself as Kali, the name I’ve felt divinely given. But I realized my question in this game was directed to her—so I chose my birth name instead: Eve. The first woman, the one who fell from grace, the one who is reclaiming it.
Setting My Intention
We began with a 15-minute mantra meditation, chanting bija sounds for each chakra. I allowed my question to form in my heart.
At the core of my journey was one burning question:
How do I fully surrender to Kali’s divine grace?
What steps do I need to take to align with my dharma?
Surrender has been the central theme of my spiritual path—letting go of attachments, trusting the unknown, dissolving into the divine flow. I’ve felt Kali’s presence guiding me for years, yet something in me still resists. Clings. Hesitates.
I thought about my Ishvara Pranidhana tattoo—Sanskrit for “Surrender to God.”
I had received this tattoo in Rishikesh at a place called Kali Ink. The artist had chosen to freehand a Khadaga—Kali’s sword, a symbol of cutting through illusion—alongside the Sanskrit text.
Surrender was already etched into my skin.
For years, surrender has been my greatest challenge. I know the teachings. I have the devotion. Yet something in me still resists, clings, hesitates. I needed Leela to show me the way forward.
The Magic of the 6s: Divine Acceleration
To enter the game, you must roll a 6. I rolled a 6. Then another. And another. And another. I kept rolling 6s—again and again—something Mora said was extremely rare. She looked at me knowingly, acknowledging the force moving through me. Kali herself was guiding my journey, accelerating my path.
Rolling so many 6s meant:
• I wasn’t stuck—I was constantly moving forward.
• Divine energy was clearing my obstacles.
• I was being pushed to take action—now.
It felt like I was riding a wave of momentum, no longer in control of my own pace. I was being carried.
Facing Attachments: The First Obstacle
One of the first spaces I landed on—again and again—was Space 6: Attachment & Basic Needs. This was no coincidence.
Attachment has been one of my deepest struggles:
• Attachment to people, old patterns, limiting beliefs.
• Attachment to how I think things should unfold.
• Attachment that clouds my vision and keeps me from trusting Kali.
Each time I landed here, I felt the game whispering:
“Let go.”
“Release.”
“Move forward.”
And yet, surrender is not as simple as deciding to let go. The next spaces I landed on revealed the layers of what was truly holding me back.
Greed & Jealousy: The Snake of Confusion
I landed on Space 8 (Greed) and then Space 12 (Jealousy)—both bringing me down into lower energies. Greed felt like a snake coiling around me, confusing my desires. Was I craving something out of alignment with my soul? Then came jealousy. The draining energy of comparison. The illusion of separateness. The distraction from my own divine path.
It forced me to ask: Where am I leaking my power?
Dharma vs. Adharma: Recognizing When I Stray
At one point, I landed on Space 29: Adharma—the space of straying from my path.
This was a direct wake-up call.
Why does my mind create alternate paths that pull me away from my dharma?
The answer was clear:
Adharma pulls us into distractions, illusions, and avoidance.
It drains our energy instead of feeding it.
Staying on my path requires awareness, presence, and constant recalibration.
Purification & Karma: Releasing the Past
As I continued playing, I landed on Space 10 (Purification), Space 19 (Karma Loka), and Space 21 (Guilt & Shame). It was clear—I was being asked to purge, cleanse, and free myself from past burdens.
These spaces made me ask myself:
• Am I still carrying old karma that no longer serves me?
• Is guilt or shame blocking me from stepping into my power?
• What purification practices can help me release these patterns?
The answer was simple but profound:
• Rituals. Fire. Mantra. Devotion. Trust.
• Offer the past to Kali and let her burn away what is no longer needed.
Sukriti: The Joy of Good Company & Happiness
One of the most beautiful reminders came when I landed on Space 62: Sukriti—Happiness & Keeping Good Company.
A deep exhale moved through me. I realized:
Happiness is found in being with the right people.
The ones who uplift and inspire me are my true reflections.
My spiritual growth is supported by the company I keep.
It reaffirmed something I already knew:
I don’t need to do this alone. Community, love, and support are essential. I thought about the friendships I have built, the connections that feel divinely guided, the way people appear at the right moment when I open my heart to receive them. Kali doesn’t just remove—she gives.
This space reminded me that joy is also a part of the path. Devotion does not require suffering—it requires alignment.
The Water Element: Learning to Flow
Then came Space 53: Water—Flexibility & Adaptability.
This space held an undeniable truth: If something doesn’t work, shift. If something is blocked, flow around it. If something is forcing resistance, soften. I had been bearing down too hard, trying to force my surrender rather than simply allowing it to happen. Water takes many forms after all.
Kali’s grace isn’t something to grasp—it’s something to relax into.
It’s not about forcing my way into surrender, but dissolving into it. Like water.
The Surrender Tattoo: A Message from the Past
As I sat with this realization, I couldn’t stop thinking about my Ishvara Pranidhana tattoo—a Sanskrit phrase meaning “Surrender to God.”
The message had been with me all along. Surrender wasn’t something I needed to learn. It was something I had already chosen.
Leela wasn’t teaching me something new. It was reminding me of what I already knew.
The Sound of Omkara: The Sacred Vibration of Truth
Near the end of the game, I landed on Space 56: Sound Healing & Omkara—the primordial vibration of the universe.
Omkara represents the eternal sound of creation.
It is the vibration of truth, the sound of pure consciousness.
It connects us back to our essence—beyond mind, beyond identity.
It reminded me of my innate connection to sound. Through singing, playing music, listening to music and just existing.. the sound of aum is always within me.
Then, I landed on Space 65: Unkara—the space that asks the ultimate question:
Who am I?
This question began to echo within me. I had spent so much of my life searching for an answer, trying to define myself. But in that moment, I understood:
“I am beyond all of it. I am the sound, the vibration, the energy moving through all things.”
It wasn’t about words or labels. It was about experiencing my true nature—pure, unbound, infinite.
The Crown Chakra & The Arrow to Divine Bliss
Then came one of the most profound moments in the game.
I landed on Space 37: Jnana Loka—the Realm of Wisdom. Jnana is not just knowledge—it is spiritual wisdom, the direct experience of truth.
It was as if Leela was whispering:
“Stop searching. You already have the wisdom. You already know. Just trust.”
And then, something incredible happened;
I rolled two consecutive sixes. This meant I was instantly launched up an arrow—from Jnana Loka directly to Brahma Loka (Divine Bliss). No struggle. No obstacles. No delay. Just divine elevation.
For so long, I had never even let myself imagine what bliss might feel like. I was so comfortable in the pain because it was all I had ever known. But one of the messages of Leela was: This too shall pass. Kinda crazy considering those were the words that i initially had tattooed on my forearm that Kali ended up covering up. Sometimes i feel like thats her message to me. The **highs and lows, the peaks and valleys, the inhale and the exhale—**they are all part of the process. Nothing lasts forever. Not the suffering. Not even the bliss.
Mora shared an illustration that, while simple, was deeply profound. It reminded me of EMDR, a therapy I had been considering but hadn’t fully committed to. The game nudged me—now is the time. It was clear: I was ready to process, ready to integrate, ready to allow bliss without fearing its impermanence.
The lesson was clear:
• The moment I stop searching and simply rest in my wisdom, I am already in divine bliss.
• This too shall pass—the highs and the lows are part of the same whole.
• Brahma Loka is the space of the creator—the realization that I am the powerful manifestor of my own life.
I understood:
I am the creator of my own reality.
Everything I need to manifest is already within me.
The divine wisdom and bliss I seek are not separate—they are already here.
The Final Test: Softening My Inner Kali
I was four spaces away from completion. I needed to land exactly on Space 68: Vaikuntha Loka to finish the game. I kept rolling past it. Again and again. Frustration crept in. We had been playing since 11 AM—it was almost 6 PM. I was tired, hungry, and ready to be done.
Then, something inside me softened. I had been clutching my Kali statue in my right hand the entire game (masculine side), gripping it tightly as if my life depended on it.
Something whispered: “Let go. Shift. Relax.” So, I moved Kali to my left hand (feminine). I took a deep breath. I lightly tossed the die. And I rolled a one. I landed exactly where I needed to be.
Maybe the final step in surrender wasn’t force—but ease.
I don’t need to seek her.
I don’t need to fight for her grace.
I don’t need to grasp for signs or confirmations.
She has always been here.
She will always be here.
Now, I just need to trust.
If you are reading this, ask yourself:
• Where am I holding on too tightly?
• What attachments are keeping me stuck?
• How can I surrender more fully?
• How can I balance power with softness?
Integration & The Rain
Mora told me that when someone completes the game, it’s a celebration—not everyone finishes.
She had planned to play an upbeat Kali song for me, but because I had ended in softness, she chose something different—“Remember Who You Are” by Omkara. I laid there—like Shiva, lifeless—surrendering. Still.
She told me:
“Congratulations. You have fully stepped into your Kali energy.”
But instead of fully integrating and reflecting, I checked out. I emotionally ate dragon fruit. Dissociated on Reddit. Mindlessly scrolled—just numbing myself.
And then, the rain came. Heavy, poetic, cleansing rain.
I grounded myself by finalizing my plans for returning to Bali for my vegan chef training. The Airbnb I wanted—a four-minute walk from the café—offered me a $700 discount. All because I asked. I booked my flight with points and realized—everything was falling into place.
Kali had cleared my obstacles. Now, it was time to create.
Final Reflection: What Leela Taught Me
I am ready.
I am free from illusion.
Kali has cleared my obstacles.
I don’t need to search—I just need to trust.
Leela was never just a game. It was a reflection of my soul’s journey.
She has always been here.
She will always be here.
Now, I just need to trust. The only thing left is to walk forward—
fully surrendered, fully aligned.
I AM THE CREATOR.
With love and gratitude,
Eve—fully supported and aligned with Kali Grayce
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