January 30-31 2025
Last Days in Ubud: A Practice in Trust and Surrender
The past couple of days have been slow, intentional, and filled with moments of quiet reflection. I’ve spent my time writing, catching up on my blog, playing the harmonium, and sitting outside my villa, soaking in the natural symphony of Ubud. Some of my favorite moments have been taking slow walks into town, indulging in Bali’s vibrant vegan food scene, and, of course, doing laps in my private little pool—an indulgence I will miss.
Lately, my sleep schedule has been completely off. Ever since the end of my stay in India, I’ve been going to bed much later than usual. I wake up late, fast until the evening, and then head into town to eat. This means my first meal often doesn’t happen until around 7 PM, followed by a second meal that I bring back to my villa along with fresh fruit. By the time I settle in, eat, and unwind, it’s often past 1 AM. I know being on my phone before bed isn’t helping, and I really want to shift back to reading at night instead.
Navigating Food and Familiarity
One of the highlights of my last days here was receiving a message from a British man I met at an open mic night. He sent me videos of my performance, along with some kind words about my work, saying it reflected the work he was doing as well. It was a sweet and unexpected exchange. That night, I found myself in Ubud Center at a restaurant called Herb Library, a place I stumbled upon serendipitously.
Bali is an absolute mecca for vegan food, with endless restaurants on my list to try. But part of my ongoing recovery journey is learning to break free from my patterns—finding a dish I like and sticking to it out of fear that something else won’t be as good. It’s an irrational but deeply ingrained fear, one that I’m working on softening. Not every meal needs to be my last meal. I also struggle with wanting things to be prepared exactly as I expect them, which creates unnecessary anxiety and, at times, frustration for the kind and gracious Balinese staff. The language barrier makes it even more challenging, and I feel guilty for being so particular about my food in a place where people are only trying to help.
That night, after Herb Library, I walked over to Seeds of Life Café to pick up one of my favorites—the pesto sunflower burger. I took a few bites, then carried the rest with me as I strolled to Sayuri to grab another familiar favorite: the vegan caprese salad. It’s something I simply couldn’t stop thinking about. Once I had my food, I headed back to the villa for another quiet night in.
A Connection That Sparked Something New
Today, I spent my afternoon swimming and composing a harmonium mashup of I Will Survive with Hare Krishna. In the middle of that, I received a voice note from my new British friend, and I have to admit—I felt butterflies. There’s just something about the British accent.
His message was deep and introspective. He shared how he had been listening to Baba Hanuman earlier and, in the process, created one of the best free-flow spoken word pieces he had done in a long time. I felt honored that he wanted to share that with me. The synchronicity wasn’t lost on me either—Hanuman has been a deity I’ve deeply connected with on this journey. When he asked if I wanted to meet up, I let him know I’d be leaving Ubud the next morning. We decided to rain-check until I return after my Thai massage training in April (which honestly can’t come soon enough).
Trusting the Divine Hand That Guides Me
Later that night, I returned to Herb Library for more of their incredible grilled broccoli. Though Bali’s food scene is incredible, a lot of it leans toward raw vegan, so cooked vegetables feel like a comforting treat. I ordered a salad, though I had to send it back when it arrived with cold lettuce instead of the warm veggies I had requested. The staff was incredibly understanding, and once the dish came back the way I had envisioned, it was delicious.
I had planned to head to another restaurant afterward, but I got completely absorbed in working on my birthday blog post (check it out here). What should have been a simple update turned into a logistical nightmare—my iCloud wasn’t syncing certain photos from the water temple, Wix was taking forever to upload images, and I lost track of which ones I had already uploaded. I hadn’t been organizing my photos into folders beforehand, which would have saved me a ton of time. A lesson learned.
Instead of stressing, I tried to remind myself where I was—in a beautiful space, surrounded by music one night and a traditional Balinese dance performance the next. I took a deep breath, stayed put on my comfy little couch, and ordered more cooked veggies for my dinner, choosing presence over frustration.
An Unexpected Message & A Moment of Trust
After dinner, I walked over to Sayuri to grab some snacks for my next journey and had a nice chat with my mom along the way. As I was about to book a Grab, another message from the Brit popped up.
He had seen me on Bumble and swiped right but didn’t want to leave it up to chance. Instead of waiting to see if we matched, he sent me a message asking me out on a date for when I’m back in Ubud. I couldn’t help but smile.
I’ve had my fair share of heartbreak on this journey—things not working out with my ex back home (who remains a dear friend), and the mystery Shiva connection that, while beautiful, wasn’t meant to be. At first, it all felt like disappointment. But I’m learning to trust the invisible divine hand that guides me. Kali has been present through every fear, heartbreak, and devastation. She takes things away because she knows I need to make space for what’s to come.
This entire trip has been a practice in surrender—turning my faith over again and again. I know that my path is unfolding exactly as it should. Whether this British man ends up being a romantic connection, a friend, or simply a passing soul, it doesn’t matter. What matters is that I remain open to what the universe places in my path, embracing the unknown with curiosity instead of fear.
Next Stop: Lovina
Tomorrow, I leave for Lovina for an emotional healing retreat. I’m excited, grateful, and ready for whatever comes next (even if that includes climbing 98 flights of stairs to get to the retreat center).
Jai Ma.
With love & gratitude,
Eve aka Kali GrayceFrom Ubud to the Unknown: A Practice in Trust
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