January 8, 2025
Finding Rhythm in Recovery
Today was a day of ebb and flow, a dance between unease and grounded joy here at Govardhan Eco Village. What began with a sense of heaviness transformed into something lighter as the day unfolded, teaching me—once again—that sometimes surrendering to the rhythm of life is the most spiritual practice of all. I chose self-care over structure, gifting myself extra sleep even though it meant skipping morning practices. Perhaps that was my morning practice: learning to listen to my body and honor its wisdom.
Drumming class became a moving meditation. There was a shift in the collective energy of our group, subtle yet profound, as though something unspoken clicked into place. I felt more connected to both our teacher and my fellow students, and those shared moments of rhythm and resonance reminded me of the sacredness of community. Afterward, I balanced that connection with much-needed solitude and rest—a duality I’m learning to embrace with gratitude.
Later, kirtan and satsang electrified the night. Sitting amidst waves of music and devotion, I could feel my heart crack open a little more. There’s a unique alchemy in chanting together, a sense of dissolving into something greater. Our mridanga group played kartals at the back—a humbling practice in rhythm and precision. If there’s one lesson these instruments continue to teach me, it’s that mastery is a journey of devotion, patience, and persistence. Yet even devotion requires balance, and my hands and wrists have been asking for gentleness. The pain is real, and with harmonium training beginning soon, I must honor my body’s limits while continuing to show up wholeheartedly.
I’ll admit, I feel a twinge of guilt for not documenting my outfits daily as I’d planned, though I know it’s more than just logistics. The deeper truth is that I’ve been struggling with body image. While I logically know my body is smaller than it’s been in a long time, I don’t feel comfortable in it. There’s been a lingering heaviness—bloated and disconnected—that’s made it hard to fully show up for myself.
I wonder if my diet here is contributing. Vegetables have been the centerpiece of my meals, and while they’re nourishing, they don’t seem to provide the sustained energy I need. I’ve been contemplating reintroducing bone broth—breaking from veganism temporarily—to bring in more protein and balance. It feels like a step toward nourishment, not just for my body but for my spirit, too. If my temple is to house the divine, I must fuel it with love and intention.
Some days here feel expansive and full of light, and others challenge me in ways that feel almost insurmountable. But perhaps that’s the very essence of this journey—learning to hold both joy and discomfort as sacred. Trusting that every high and low is part of a divine choreography, leading me closer to the person I’m meant to become.
With love and surrender,
Eve (Kali Grayce)
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